Friday, September 4, 2009

Friends Don't Let Friends Do Plaid

Dearest Readers,

I want to talk with you today about a very serious issue - Plaid. Plaid is a poorly understood phenomenon, and one that many people hope will simply go away on it's own. But as it begins to grip the youth of our nation, I think it's important that we have an open and honest discuss about the dangers of Plaid.

Problems often begin when someone offers to let you share some of their Plaid.

Marcus Foster, notorious Plaid pusher

Rob at the TCAs, clearly under the influence of Marcus' Plaid.

You may feel great pressure from your friends to try their Plaid, but DO NOT be fooled. Trying even just a little Plaid can start a downward spiral to addiction, and even after you try Plaid just once, your cravings may cause you to seek out and use Plaid everywhere you go.

Rob's descent into Plaid addiction is one of the most well-documented. Oh, the humanity.

You may find that, when you're on Plaid, others addicts will try to take your Plaid.
"Gimme gimme gimme gimme!!!!!"

As your addiction worsens, you may also find yourself offering plaid to other friends and loved ones. This ability to spread quickly is what makes Plaid so tough to stop.
"Rob, do you think people know I'm on Plaid?" 

"Plaid makes me feel goooooood"
"Maybe Plaid will make me cool like Kristen.... "

"Plaid makes my head cold. Why the Hale else would I wear this fugly hat?"

Teenagers are particularly susceptible to plaid. They don't yet have the confidence to just say "NO."

"Does this Plaid make me look more like Rob?"

She's smiling because the Plaid just kicked in.

Those having problems with Plaid often try to hide it with hoodies. It rarely works.
 We can still see your Plaid, people.

Side effects of plaid can include:

Constant hair fondling


Excessive layering


Tendency to use cheesy hand gestures


Unhealthy attraction to Cougars


General cracked-ness

If you think you may be addicted to Plaid, or if a friend or loved one is showing signs of Plaid addiction, please call the National Plaid Hotline at 1 (888) ILUVROB.

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